


Fractured Birthday Tales

by ChungHee22



Series: Servants of the Sun and Moon (Emiya/Cu Chulainn) [11]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Also there is cursing in this, Attempt at Humor, Cause the Cus are Disney Princesses, Disney References, Disney Songs, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other additional characters to be added, You can't change my mind, just a fair warning if you're not a fan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChungHee22/pseuds/ChungHee22
Summary: A short little thing to celebrate both sides of the Sun and Moon couples' birthdays.First will be the Emiya's. Next will be the Cus. How exciting!...about 99% sure things won't go as planned, hence the 'fractured' in the title.
Relationships: Cu Chulainn | Caster/Corrupt EMIYA | Archer, Cú Chulainn Alter | Berserker/Heroic Spirit EMIYA Alter | Archer, Cú Chulainn | Lancer/Heroic Spirit EMIYA | Archer
Series: Servants of the Sun and Moon (Emiya/Cu Chulainn) [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1079718
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. BE A MAN!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FullmoonTheWolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullmoonTheWolf/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought of this with a friend (looking at you wolfie) 
> 
> Hajime was set loose after his life jarring chapter. Thought he should have some fun.
> 
> I hope my attempt at humor didn't crash and burn. Probably did, but oh well...
> 
> Happy Birthday Momiya!

"Wear it."

"Hell no!"

"Just wear it! It's not that hard! You've worn things like this before!"

" _AGAINST MY WILL_ _!_ "

"..."

"..."

* * *

Welcome, dear readers to _Fractured Birthday Tales._ I'm your host, Hajime who is so very happy to take a break from my own turmoil and isn't even going to question how I'm here and why I see my Servants running around with Emiya's at their heels!

No seriously. They're in heels. The Emiya's managed to get them in heels.

First up, we have a gunner (Archer) gone rouge in hot pursuit of a heeled Berserker. Alter is sprinting away like there's no tomorrow and Kuro is holding... _What on earth is that?_ It looks like our gunner is holding a...Oh. Oh wow. Now I see why they're running. Gunner boy is holding a perfectly tailored pink dress that looks to be the one Aurora wears from the Disney fairytale, _Sleeping Beauty._ I guess it's cause Alter sleeps a lot? He might look nice in it too if he gave it a chance...Then again, _black is his color_ , right?

Oh! And now they're fighting. Alter is swinging around Gae Bolg like a pro but the gunner was undeterred and-! 

"JUST PUT IT ON!!"

A gunshot.

" _ **GET THAT DAMNED THING AWAY FROM** **ME.**_ "

"IT'S ONLY FOR ONE DAY!" 

A very loud and monstrous growl and possible cheering.

_**"I AIN'T WEARIN' IT!"** _

"IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!"

"Come on, Cu-Chan! It's his birthday after all~"

" **YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS.** "

...oh and there they go running down the hall.

I would follow them but I heard a fire alarm go off somewhere and heard a crash, so we're going over there now.

* * *

I never thought I'd see something like this folks. We are currently witnessing Magi, one of the resident Casters in Chaldea, using one of Wickermans arms to hold Kage tight against the wall. I'm surprised and impressed that Magi managed to summon his arm in this small hallway. Then again, he's pretty darn cool so I should have expected as much. It's like a western stand off. Neither are blinking as they stand on (well in Kage's case, held against) either side of the hall, staring. Let's listen in.

"Just wear it."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's a damn dress. I don't want to put on a dress."

Kage looks confused now as he holds out what looks to be...Snow White's dress! Oh wow. He wants Magi to dress up like the oldest Disney Princess!

Wait a minute sports fans...Isn't he-

"You're already wearing a dress."

That's what I was gonna say!

"It's a robe! Don't know how many times I have to tell people this...Besides, what the hell makes you think I'm anything like Snow White?"

"You wear a dress--"

" **A ROBE!!** "

"And you talk to animals. You even sing to them sometimes if you're in the mood."

...

...

"Damn it."

...I'm starting to see a reoccurring theme here guys.

* * *

Well folks. We have a slight problem. 

I _was_ going to show all of the Emiya's on their birthday (and figure out if all of them were indeed asking their mates to dress up as Disney Princesses for their birthday) but sadly one of them is missing. Resident mom of Chaldea is MIA. I've checked the entire building and still haven't found hide or hair of him anywhere. I'm honestly starting to worry a bit, so that's why I'm going to go find Seta. Maybe he knows where--

" **BE A MAN!! WE MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER!**"

"I ALREADY AM A MAN! _YOU'RE_ THE ONE THAT'S TRYING TO DRESS ME UP!"

" **WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON! BE A MAN!!**"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THAT OFF ALREADY?!"

" **WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE! MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE** **MOOOOON!** "

"GREAD LEAT!!!"

_GO AWAY!!!_

" **HUAH!!** "

...

Wow.

Never thought I'd see Emiya running after Seta holding a big boom box over his head, blasting Mulan's _'I'll Make A Man Out Of You'_ , Mulan's dress from the part where she goes to see the matchmaker thrown over one shoulder and a simpler dress thrown over the other. This place is so cool! Maybe I should stay here more often. Seems pretty fun here when you're not thinking about saving the world time and time again. Poor Ritsuka. He really needs a vacation...

Welp, my suspicions were confirmed. A strange request but I guess all three of them have always been strange so...

That concludes the first lovely live account of _Fractured Birthday Tales_. This is your wonderful host that still doesn't know how he managed to get here, Hajime, signing off for now! I think I might go looking around a bit more before shoving off for ho--"

"Who's that?"

"No idea."

"Should we dress him up too? I've got an extra dress."

On second thought, I'd like to go home. Please? _PLEASE?!?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, went on twitter this morning and saw a bunch of pictures saying today was Emiya's birthday. Thought, 'Crap. I got a whole series for 'em and don't even have a fic for their birthday! Gotta write!' Thus, this fic was born. But then I thought it'd be pretty lonely to just have one side of each couple (Emiya, Kuro and Kage) so I decided to have another chapter that will be on the Cus birthday (lord willing I have the time to do it). 
> 
> Look forward to that ladies and gents!
> 
> Kudos, Comments and CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism will forever be welcome ^^


	2. Let Down Your Hair!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd here come the Cus ladies and gents!  
> It may be a bit shorter than the Emi's so hopefully you guys won't mind!
> 
> Though it would seem like for ONCE, things actually go quite well. Sorta.

Welcome back everyone to _Fractured Birthday Tales!_ I'm still your host from last time, Hajime who to put it simply, is falling down the rabbit hole and probably won't resurface for awhile. In other words, I'm pulling an _Alice in Wonderland_.

No seriously.

The Emi's got to me and while Belle looked good on me, apparently Alice was ' _more fitting'_. Seriously, somebody has to put a stop to their antics! I'm at the end of my rope and I will quit if--

* * *

All right! So...Sorry about that. We were experiencing some...technical difficulties but now we can get back to showcase what is happening on the birthday of the great Hound of Culann and warrior of Ulster, Cu Chulainn! 

...the cheering button isn't working? Jack and Nursery broke it? 

...

...Ok! Moving on!

Now, as we walk through the oddly quiet halls of Chaldea, we see...Fergus? Excuse me! 

Ah. He didn't hear me. I'll call agai-- Scathach? And they're...snickering? What on earth is going on?

Oh. And now they're running because--

_**"HIT THE DECK!!"** _

_Wha_ \-- **AH!!**

* * *

Hello again guys! Sorry for the abrupt cut off! 

This is still your host, Hajime as we run - _phew! man they're fast. I know I'm good at running but geez! -_ As we run after someone that looks very much like the Cus as _he_ runs away from a woman behind us that looks very much like the Cus as well, while _she_ runs away from the Emi's! Though I'm honestly beginning to think they're all a jointed front because they are all holding dresses and you know how that went last--

"LESS TALKING, MORE RUNNING, KID! _TEACHT AR!!_ "

_ COME ON!! _

YES SIR! 

...

Though if you could please explain what is going on, I would be very grateful.

"Right now?!"

Yes please.

"....tá an leanbh seo craiceáilte."

_....this child is crazy._

I'm sorry what was tha- WOAH! And I'm being picked up. Sir, I can run on my own, thank you. Ooh. Your hair is quiet lovely by the way. Soft with just the right amount of waves...Blonde is a very good look on you Sir. 

"Oh. Thank you."

What shampoo do you use?

"Well, they have a lot of different kinds in this new day and age, but nothing beats-- **WAIT**. Son. Do you understand that we are currently running from danger?"

...technically you're running for me Sir.

"That's beside the point I am trying to make!"

Ohhh. So you mean the woman that looks sorta like the female version of Cu Chulainn running after us with a dress that looks very familiar, while the Emiya's are running...with her at this point, also holding familiar dresses.

"YES."

Ahh. Then I guess I do, yeah. By the way, where exactly _are_ we? It's like a pretty palace or castle or something. Last I checked, we were in Chaldea. Did we rayshift? Leyshift? Whichever one it's called.

"This is my home. Mine and my wife's and sometimes my sons when they come to visit."

And your wife is the woman that is gaining on us.

"Yes. Her name is Deich-- Did you say _gaining on us?_ "

Yep. Her and the Emiya's are closing the gap. Are you sure you're going to be ok...OH! You must be Lugh! Father of Cu Chulainn! It is an honor to meet you and I would bow or at least shake your hand if given different circumstances.

"I don't know whether to be offended that it took you so long to realize who I was or not, but you are correct. Merry Met."

M-Merry Met to you too Sir! Also, I have some bad news to report.

"Bad news? Which would be...?"

Your wife is right behind us and is about to grab m-

"KID!"

Oh wow. She is very pretty.

"...isn't she? The most beautiful there is."

"Oh stop it, you two. Merry Met little one. Aren't you just the cutest thing."

No...I'm not...

"Even your blushing face is adorable. Now I hope you excuse my handing off of you to the boys behind me, but I need to speak with my husband."

That's fine with me. I don't mind.

"Kid?!"

"Such a gentleman. **Now.** If you would just come along as nicely as him. I am tired now."

"I would rather stay--"

"I am very tired now."

"I--"

" _Exhausted even_. Chasing you all around that facility and our home has worn me out. Could you carry me to where I would like to go?"

"..."

" _Please?_ "

Oh wow. He actually picked her up and is taking her where she wants to go. What a nice husband.

Quick question Emiya's, but where are we going and what are we doing?

"...."

I don't like the look you all are giving me. **MOMIYA**. _Where are we going and what are we doing?_

"I'm not your mother. Also, you will just have to wait and see."

* * *

Well sports-fans. I finally remembered why the dresses from earlier looked so dang familiar.

" _ **HA HA HA HAHAHAAHAHAA--!!!**_ "

If you're wondering where that loud sound is coming from, it would be from the birthday boys themselves. If you pan to the left you will see both Setanta and Magi are currently on the floor, dying of laughter while Alter is hanging off of Kuro, snorting.

Hm? What are they wearing, you ask? Well let me tell you.

**Rapunzel.**

We, yes, _we_ are dressed up in different outfits from two Rapunzel movies. 

I currently wear the outfit that the Rapunzel in the Barbie movie _Barbie as Rapunzel_ wore when mother Gothel cut her hair off right before destroying her paintbrush and condemning her to the tower. You know, the pretty purple one with the sparkles! That one. I always thought it was pretty.

_ON BARBIE._

Next up is Magi and Seta. Both wear the plain dress Rapunzel wears in the movie _Tangled._ The difference lies in the _style_ of the hair. Magi's hair is braided with flowers in it like when Rapunzel finally made it to Corona (probably because he is a Druid) while Seta's is loose and free like when the movie starts. Two sides of the same coin. Alter, who is still clinging to Kuro because he's snorting so hard that it looks painful, is wearing the same dress as me. Only difference here is that while my hair is short and braided (after the wrath of Gothel) his is instead long and braided and beautiful (before the wrath of Gothel). Make sure you get a good shot please and thank you.

And finally we have...

"Oh. Oh. Oh nOOO-- HA!!"

"I-I don't even give a damn about being dressed up too! Athair is--"

"...."

"Ah, shit! This is the best present ever! I don't need anything else!"

"...if you three weren't my children...Listen up you three! It takes a _real man_ to be able to dress up in a wedding dress and not feel any lesser than. Remember that!"

"I agree with your father."

Yep.

You heard it right folks.

Their father is wearing the wedding dress that Rapunzel wears in _Barbie as Rapunzel_ when she gets married to Stefan, hair braided and everything.

And he looks darn good too. Make sure you get that shot.

...

Well! Now that I have sufficently been dressed up as a princess and Disney characters, I think it's time to wrap this up.

Thus we conclude the hectic but very amusing account of Birthday turmoil here on _Fractured Birthday Tales._ This has been your tired but humble host that now smells like too much hair gel due to my hair deciding it wanted to do it's own thing, signing off! Thank you for taking the time and I hope you enjoyed all that you saw here today. 

Now I'm gonna go before they run out of birthday cake.

What? You thought the Emiya's didn't throw them a party?

If you thought that, then you must be as looney as this show!

But seriously, cut it so we can go. I just saw the kid Servants run down the hall with Kiritsugu leading the charge and I _will NOT_ let him eat all the cake!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one didn't showcase the Cus as much as the Emi's chapter showcased them, but I think for them, seeing their dad dressed up in a wedding gown was all they would need for the perfect birthday. Of course there's a party but you know. Laughter and good food made by their loved ones. What more could you ask for? While short, I hope you all still enjoyed this and enjoyed Hajime's narrating. He tries his best.
> 
> Also, I know I probably wrote Lugh a bit (or very) weird, but I hope you got a good laugh or a snort out of it anyway :3
> 
> Kudos, Comments and CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism will forever be welcome ^^


End file.
